Do you truly care about yourself?
- Are you ready to  make a commitment that you will stand by yourself no matter what?
- That you will abide by every rule in the marriage book and put up with your own true self no matter how disgusting or frustrating you might become?
- Do you promise to fulfill every wish of yours and sacrifice your other needs to obtain that which your heart truly desires?
- That you will make the institution of marriage cry at its own lofty standards, that it takes two-to-tango?
- Can you bring every known convention to man on its knees and prove that humans don't need one another for support, companionship and togetherness?
Will you....
Wait.
This has been going on for too long. Let's stop and think carefully. It isn't as hard as it sounds actually - being married to your own self.
The principle is, you live for two, but actually just for one.
- You get all the perks of marriage (commitment, security, stability blah blah blah) and yet you don't have to deal with any of its murky underside (Wife: Honey, you never turn the alarm off!, Husband: How in bloody hell am I supposed to wake up then?????)
- You get all the lovin', carin' and cuddlin' when you want, where you want! (I mean come on, who doesn't love-a-little-tickle, themselves!)
- You don't have to think of what he likes or doesn't like. Or break your head over this gift or that ! You already know what you like!
- You don't have to put up with false pretenses or 'be-the-ideal' everything (girlfriend, masseuse, cook, TV operator, telephone operator). You can be who you truly are... you are after all dealing with just you !
- And when you wake up, you don't have to worry about being the bed-hog, for the whole bed is your freakin' side!
Ahhhh...such is marital bliss!  If only we could experience it just once...

(This article is a tribute to Grace Gelder, who married herself on March 16, 2014 on a little farmhouse in Devon, England).